The Witch of portobello

I enjoyed india vs pakistan match yesterday a lot. It was full of drama. I always vehemently(somewhat arrogantly) argue that football beats cricket on entertainment basis any day. I still do but ought to give the respect where it's due.

yesterday i completed my second reading of paulo coelho's "The witch of portobello". Ahem! it took me 2 readings to get a handle on several phylosophical ideas,disguised under the burqua of a normal fictional story, he was throwing at the readers. what makes it difficult is at every point you have to try and strip of that burqua to see if there is a beautiful face (a philosophy idea) underneath. It is like trying to lift the burqua and trying to see the face of a hardcore ******'s daughter before marrying her. I won't bore you with my learnings from the book but one aspect needs mentioning.In the book the heroine goes into a trance while dancing. I too experienced something similar.

Few days back i kept the song "seasons in the sun" on the PC and proclaimed to my roommates
"this is one of my fav suicide songs"
"What is a suicide song?"
"oh,the song i want to sing just before i commit suicide(if ever i commit one)"
"eh ?? BTW the song is ok. not that good"
"hi. Imagine you are a guy who stepped aside from usual way of living. tried many things and in the end vexed up and want to call it a day. now imagine you are singing this song. If you get a high then it's a good song. else not"
"Dude. This is music not shakespeare. dont over complicate it"

That's my way to music. After a hard day's work i come back home and turns on my stereo. From that moment i seize to be Deepu. I let the music take me to the worlds i never envisioned before. I become that innocent village guy who fell in love with a hollywood beauty named lilian who unfortunately played with me just for fun. At that moment sing the song "Oh Lilian, Look what you have done. You took my heart, ripped it apart, in the name of fun". The lyrics set the context and the music gives rise to a rhythm. Free your body parts and make them the slave of the song's rhythm. Likewise just imagine you cracked CAT and got into IIMA. you were the topper there too and got into the most famous inverstment bank. worked tirelessly for few years and you are a millionaire now. Then sing the song "High hopes" by pink floyd.you know what i mean. you know where i am getting.By doing this i got myselves into a high that makes cig and alchohal feel ashamed of themselves. It just needs some imagination.

I tried it only few times though. Living with 3 other roommates, i am sane enough not to try this while others are watching. If you do this when soemone is watching be rest assured you will be visiting the nearest mental hospital soon enough. But atleast once try this ritual. get away from people and let music take you away with it. not every song or band can do that though. try pink floyd or beatles for a start. And thanks to subhash who gave me this song "Oh lilian" by "Depeche mode" and leaving for bangalore, leaving me alone to perform my ritual :).

Am Alive

Yaaro "steve deepu jobs" is still very much alive.

Seems like this place received a well deserved break. ok time to start 2nd innings.

Happy Rakshabandhan to all Indians.

ow.. excuse my silly mind. one incident suddenly popped into my memory at this pristine moment. In 10th class after we were made to sing the hackeneyed "All Indians are my brothers and sisters.." pledge i went and asked my teacher, with so much seriousness that puts BIGB in sardar to shame, with a witty grin that puts a semi-naked mallika sherawat dancing to the song "Mehabooba o mehabooba (yeah u guessed it right the himesh reshamiyya one)" to shame "sir, how can i say all indians are my brothers and sisters? i like that girl with short hair. yeah that one in the second row. it's painful to call her sister sir. waise i am sure my parents dont have any idea to marry off their only son to a firangi. so how can i call someone, i am going to marry in future, my sister ?". tap came the reply.

Lets not go into what that reply is. The point is as soon as i am out of (shhhhhhhh i am writing this from a cafe and this reshamiyya song coming from the TV beside is freaking me out. i will type fast and get out.) 10th class i dropped saying the pledge. Again after so many years i am now saying "Happy rakshabandan to all Indians". ok not all indians but all members of fairer sex with indian origin. so why did i do that? i have decided that getting married is a wasteful exercise. may be in the posts to come i will plead my case for you to appreciate my decision. will i change my opinion ? may be. i have quiet a reputation for massive opinion swings. but as the issue stands now i wanna be a lifelong bachelor. may be...(uff.. yaar that stupid reshamiyya song got over and now Tata young is dancing franically showing her curves and shouting "sexy naughty bitchy me". yaar sry. cant type anymore now. lets meet in the next post)

Bye Bye DA-IICT

ok may be the stuff i wrote for the last couple of weeks seemed extremely boring to you. can't help it yaar. you can't expect a kid from somalia to grow up into a wrestling champion. similarly you get nothing but boring posts from a guy suffering from QLC - Quarter Life Crisis. Few weeks back it suddenly took over me and i grabbed my guitar, ran into the forest beside the college and sang for many days

"Bullah ki jaana mein kaun.
bullah ki jaana mein kaun..
........................................
.........................................
neither i am moses nor pharoah
neither do i understand adam and eve
nor did i create a name for myself...
..........................................
..........................................
Bullah ki jaana mein kaun..
Bullah ki jaana mein kaun"

and only came back to college to give my BTP presentation. the first thing i did after coming out of my presentation was call dad. "Dad. good news" " What is it beta?" "Mein ban gaya Engineer" "You call that an achievement ? Loser". After hearing that i made up my mind to grab my guitar and run into the forest again shouting "Bullah ki jaana mein kaun" along the way. ok now truth. dad didn't say that and i am really really out of my QLC. This song "Bullah ki jaana mein kaun" by rabbi shergill is awesome(especially lyrics). If you haven't listened to it already, go and do it now.

These being the last days in college, most of us can be seen going out to restaurants quiet often, holding the legendary Comic Shows, writing DVDs , cleaning rooms and packing bags. Ok i am procrastinating the last 2 but the fact that rest of my friends are busy packing their bags, brings that "Tanha Dil Tanha safar" kind of environment all around. Few days back someone asked me a question. "Do you feel nostalgic about the college?". As i think about it, in my four years in college after having experienced whatever i have, from the high of writing my very own virus to the pain of watching my friend die in front of my eyes, from the high of spending time with friends to the pain of losing some of them due to petty reasons, i have realised a thing. That i am just a traveller who started this journey with nothing and ending it with nothing except a piece of paper which says i am an ICT engineer.

As i travelled during these four years i came across various things. Thunderous applause , venomous comments , beautiful faces , luxurious objects , broken promises . But the echo of every applause died down eventually , every hateful comment lost its sting after a while , a beautiful face revealed an ugly soul with time , no object of pleasure lead to prolonged satisfaction , and it was only my own expectation which hurt me in the guise of a broken promise. So I need to realise the truth that without attaching myself to these mirages , I have to enjoy the journey . Life is not about clinging to these ever changing stations on the way . It's about understanding that it's all just a journey , to end in nothingness one day .

Poetry

i started reading poetry. That's like getting a Phd admit at the age of 15, for someone who read nothing more than few fantasy books. By next year another hobby will be added to my CV but that's just a byproduct. I started reading because i want to enjoy art. movies, music, painting, novels, writing stories, poetry these are the ultimate prize. Not many years from now, i will be done with my formal education and start my career. In the evening when i return home, take a shower and be done with sustaining the day, i need to live the rest of the day right ? That's what art is for. The ultimate prize at the end of the day. With an IQ comparable to that of a super model, i cant create art but consuming someone else's creation is also equally enjoyable.

Few good pieces i read today..

To a Stranger - Walt Whitman

Passing stranger! you do not know
How longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking,
Or she I was seeking
(It comes to me as a dream)

I have somewhere surely
Lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other,
Fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,

You grew up with me,
Were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become
not yours only nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes,
face, flesh as we pass,
You take of my beard, breast, hands,
in return,

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you
when I sit alone or wake at night, alone
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

The Prophet - Abraham Cowley

Teach me to Love? go teach thy self more wit;
I am chief Professor of it.
Teach craft to Scots, and thrift to Jews,
Teach boldness to the Stews;
In tyrants courts teach supple flattery,
Teach Jesuits, that have traveled far, to Lye.
Teach fire to burn and Winds to blow.
Teach restless Fountains how to flow,
Teach the dull earth, fix, to abide,
Teach Woman-kind inconstancy and Pride.
See if your diligence here will useful prove;
But, pr'ithee, teach not me to love.

The God of Love, if such a thing there be,
May learn to love from me,
He who does boast that he has bin,
In every Heart since Adams sin,
I'll lay my Life, nay Mistress on't, that's more;
I'll teach him things he never knew before;
I'll teach him a receipt to make
Words that weep, and Tears that speak,
I'll teach him Sighs, like those in death,
At which the Souls go out too with the breath;
Still the Soul stays, yet still does from me run;
As Light and Heat does with the Sun.

'Tis I who Love's Columbus am; 'tis I, Who must new Worlds in it descry;
Rich Worlds, that yield of Treasure more,
than that has been known before,
And yet like his (I fear) my fate must be,
To find them out for others; not for Me.
Me Times to come, I know it, shall
Loves last and greatest prophet call.
But, ah, what's that, if she refuse,
To hear the whole doctrines of my Muse?
If to my share the Prophets fate must come;
Hereafter fame, here Martyrdom.

Perspective

My first try at writing short stories.so be lenient

That was his last night in college. All were partying hard. suddenly the discussion drifted to how much they hate doing run-of-the-mill jobs. Let's all start a new venture, he suggested. everyone agreed. They spent the whole night making plans. Tired, he came to room very late and threw himself on the bed.

He woke up next morning to the loud horns of cars. Most of his friends were leaving already. A good sleep brought some sense back to his mind. He thought of the crazy things he said last night. Starting a venture means working your ass off for quiet a few years. That doesn't bother him. he fears that he would stop living and turn into a robot. There is so much music to be heard, he thought. Beautiful football to be watched and novels to be read not to say wonderful movies. He also wanted to travel a lot. He knows earth is a much more beautiful place than these newspapers make it out to be. "I prefer getting more kick in my life to getting my picture on economic times", he decided and went to the shower.

Nothing like a night's sleep to bring some perspective. He was a big fan of perspective.

He took one last tour of the college. It sucks to leave the hostel and not to see your friends everyday, he said to himself. when bad things about college end, good things about it end as well. He wanted to cry but tears won't come out. In fact he never cried till now.

with only 30 mins left before leaving he went to meet spandana. He fell in love with her ever since he met her but didn't tell anyone about it. He was never an extrovert in the matters of heart. To everyone else they were just good friends. till then her eyes, her hair, her smile, her slapstick humor, her unique habits all of these kept him going. Can he live without these ? should he tell her right then before it was too late? with all these thoughts running in his mind he stared at her eyes for a min. you know eyes can speak and her eyes gave him the answer he was searching for. He said her goodbye and turned around to leave. suddenly for the first time in his life tears started rolling down his cheeks. not a drop or two but a torrent. he wiped his tears and started walking towards his packed bags.

"Nothing quiet like perspective eh? I am a big fan of perspective. But then i said it before" he said to himself slowly walking towards the packed bags, kicking aside the pepsi tin on his way.

Flirting with hell

You will never find me hopping into a rickshaw, carrying a mike in my hand and go about shouting how good looking i am, how big my ego is and how i am the best thing that happened to India since it's independence. not that living close to sabarmati ashram drastically increased my moral quotient and conjured a gandhi out of me. But because till date i don't have any achievements to boast of. In this post i threw every bit of decency aside and wrote entirely about myselves. actually this post is not for any audience. i just wanna pen down my feelings so that after 2-3 yrs, one lazy sunday morning, sipping coffee, i will read this post again.

At present i am in a situation a hero finds himself in, in a typical indian film. the story goes like this. hero falls in love with a girl. both of them sing some duets. suddenly hero gets a call that his mother is ill and so leaves to his village in a hurry. there his parents plan his wedding and threaten to commit suicide if he won't agree. He ends up marrying a stranger and moans the rest of his life for his lost love. Er don't get me wrong.my mom is completely alright and i didn't fell in love with any girl. Atleast for me, falling in love is as difficult as it is for mallika sherawat to get a phd in computer science from MIT. The above story is just an analogy for the situation i am in.

i prepared well for CAT for over an year. i fell in love with marketing. even HR is fine. i thought the probability of me getting into finance or software is much less than the probability of monika lewinsky marrying manmohan singh. one fine day dad deposited 15k bucks in my ATM card and asked me to give GRE and TOEFL. just like that. mom and dad said they fully support my MBA ambitions. so without any care in the world i gave those without any preps. If there is something called lady luck then all of it was with me then. Ended up with 1480 in GRE and 293 in TOEFL. For all the hard work i put into CAT i was awarded a meagre 98.3%le with only MDI calls. slowly mom started pouring in stuff like why MS is better than MBA et al. And then something unbelievable happenned. i got a UCLA admit. i know few things which helped me but still it was an uber fluke call. Then a full blown war started between mom,dad and me. they say my career will really take off and that i can earn a lot of money if i join such prestigious university. i will give my views on that a little later. wonder what the title mean ? This week hopefully MDI short list will be out. I am able to hold mom and dad a little, with hope that i will somehow get lucky again and will manage an MDI admit. If that doesn't happen then god knows how i will hold them back.

just work hard for another x no of days/months/years and then ur life will be a lot better,i am told.work hard during 10th class,you will get a stream of ur choice, and your life will be better.work hard during 12th boards, and you will get into a good college and your life will be better still. now when i sit and think what joining UCLA does to me, i wonder is it my LIFE that gets better or is it my CAREER.but then my life is much much more than my career. i know that i need money. everybody does.but its just an instrument to get what you want,to make ur family happy being one of them.and if u sacrifice all these ultimate sources of happiness for money,well then i dont get the idea.its like having a pen but not having the time to write a poem.i see old couples living alone,supporting each other's frail lives while their successful children are attending meetings at the silicon valley.it is said that the best any parent can wish for is the child's success,but i dont accept that this old mother who spent her life caring for this child and is now left to live her life hoping that the child will remember to call her from his apartment in california,doesnt feel the hurt. i dont understand how leaving behind all your family, go to some valley and work overtime so that your children can only see you on sundays and that too for not more than half an hour, how all these make a great life ? working 40 hrs a week on something you really enjoy, coming back and spending time with your freinds,wife,children and parents. isn't that a life better by a magnitude of atleast 10 times? May be i will earn a little less money but then i will still be able to feed my family two meals a day and send my children to a decent english medium school.

It is ok if i don't have a great career but i want a great life.

I have already made my decision. what matters now is how difficult is it for me to convince them. or can i? It all depends on this week's MDI result. That's why right now every moment i feel like i am flirting with hell.

Hate Mail

Ah just few hours back something phenomenal happened in my life. i got a hate mail. i know great people like steve jobs and bill gates receive hate mail quite often. Er may be steve jobs don't. how can one hate steve ? bill gates received one from me though. For the past 2 years, receiving hate mail has been one of my targets. just to prove to mom that i can be as great as one of them. I started this blog so that atleast one of the countless intellectuals out there send me hate mail after reading my silly posts full of nonsense. If you don't believe me just check my archives. I never wrote about topics like how to save indian cricket? how to double india's GDP overnight? the influence of mallika sherawat on 10th class kids?.... never. those are for all you intellects to analyze. anyways i am sad that i cant show this hate mail as a proof to mom because it is addressed to my whole batch and not exclusively to me. the italicized words are the part of hate mail.

ok now to that guy, with a heart the size of an ostrich, who was generous enough to send me a hate mail -

dont u people feel shame when u know that there are a few people u know in 2004 batch.

no, i don't feel any shame that i know just a few of my juniors. Forget about your batch, i didn't even talked with all the chaps of my batch. now that you asked me, can you please introduce everyone in your batch to me? let's start with girls.

They also dont want to give u farewell but it is happening only bcoz a few of them want it.

so ? is there anything i can do ?

It is shame on part of you, who take the complements of this graciously.

jesus, there is something wrong with you chap. you seem to take shame on every simple thing that comes your way. By any chance are you taking shame on the fact that you live in the same world as that of paris hilton ? if yes then i reckon you have some disease like Acquired-i-feel-shame-for-everything-syndrome. BTW please improve your english a little bit. i honestly don't understand what you meant by the second part of the sentence.

u want farewell but u dont have any reasons as to why juniors shud give u this. how many of 2004 batch u know and how many of them know u? u can count on fingers. How many of them have been helped by you? u can count on fingers. and how many of them respect you? noone knows...

hi you never watch movies or what ? those who are leaving never force a farewell out of other people. may be they walk a few steps and stop, look back to see if anyone cared that they are leaving. may be they will make some sad faces which eventually cause emotional blackmail. may be it will be more melodramatic with tears rolling down and loud sobs. but thats it. they never keep a knife on your throat and threaten to kill you if you don't bid them a farewell. if you don't want to give farewell just don't give it.


when u know the situation, then y r u showing up at the festival. do u want farewell only bcoz of the fear of remaining farewell less in whole life or u want farewell bcoz u feel ur juniors are giving it wholeheartedly.

honestly dear, i was never short of receiving farewells. usually wherever i go people bid me farewell within 5 mins of me greeting them hello. that takes care of your first reason. about your second one, i know people are very good at acting. even if all you people smile profusely through out the farewell party by exposing 240*32 of your teeth, how would i ever know what's in your heart? so your second reason is as baseless as your first.

If later is the reason, than be 10 feets away from the place bcoz not even 10% percent of us want this farewell. They will come only bcoz they paid 300 bucks and they want to enjoy dj night.

honestly we never expect you to come over to each one of us and cry out how bad you feel about we leaving the college. you paid 300 bucks. just go out and enjoy the party. that's what we did last time, ofcourse in a much more respectful manner than you are doing now.

If u have some shame left then ask the organisers to prove that it is being organised with the consent of majority. and i know u people cant ask them this bcoz u are so afraid of being left without farewell that u can even have it in disrespectful manner like "na jan na pahchan, mein tera mehmaan". Lets call for a poll and i can bet the results in favour of farewell will not go beyound 10%.the one from btech 2004 batch.

again you are using the shame word. just go to a doctor and make sure you don't have the disease i mentioned earlier. i have my own things to do. you take a poll. feel happy that the results are just as you predicted. if not skew them, i will never know. but in the end feel happy. you deserve that happiness after all the pain you took in writing the mail.

people are already discussing whether to attend the party or not. I don't like to get involved in all these politics. i will simply go to the party if all my friends are going. if considerable number of them drop off then i will follow them. simple naa...

In the end this mail made me think about the juniors. A handful of them came to me at the end of my first year to ask if they should join this college or not. told them my honest opinion. everyone of them ended up joining. i never asked them later but hope they didn't regret their decision. never turned anyone down when they asked my help. only few asked me though. never hurt anyone intentionally. not even their feelings. but thats it. nothing more. nothing less. one of the juniors gave me few excellent songs. i will be grateful for that. In a nutshell that's my relationship with juniors. not too bad eh ?

I will be leaving this place in exactly a month. Adieu amigo.